myhairytroll's bigger than yourhairytroll?!?

While I do subscribe to the theory of the GrandMasterPlan, I believe that the devil really IS in the details, and details are small, tetchy little things. Enter hairy trolls. I seem to remember where you got yours from; he was a second cousin thrice removed from mine. There were sheep involved, and a large Scotsman in a kilt, as I'm sure you'd recall. His trolls, however, are evidently intact, and fully functional. I hear the baby's due in November.

Also, goblins and trolls, hirsute or otherwise, belong in the garden along with your potted nasturtiums, and NOT in the bathroom. No wonder nobody will admit to whose hairisonthetiles; they're all out by the peony bush at the Annual Trolls&Goblins Convention.

Which brings me to the subject of armpit hair and flies in the soup. And while we're at it, ear wax and flatulence. Exactly; there is absolutely no connection between them whatsoever. But go on, admit it, I had you wondering for a moment there.

Meanwhile, I am gormenghasted at the fact that you're spending your afternoons watching men with pompom socks and ribbons in their hair cavorting around a maypole. I understand you have a penchant for odd things (wine gums?? GREEN wine gums?!? gah!!) and etcetera, but seriously, sometimes I worry about you. Anyone who drinks coffee that comes in teabags needs worrying about. I shall Fedex you my favourite straitjacket, you know, the one with the 35 zips and toggles and the spider-print with webs across the back? Something tells me you may have a greater need for it than I do right now.

Before I exeunt, let me interject: marmite is an insult to the entire food chain, and it ought to be banished forever, forced into some dark dungeon to yeast in peace. And so should vegemite. So there.